Pokka Coffee — "Driver"

by David Cady

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Q and A with Pokka Coffee "Driver"

Q: What's your full name?

A: Pokka Coffee "Driver" Uehara

Q: Tell us a little about yourself.

A: I'm a brand new fine coffee for all drivers. Bitter, robust and refreshing.

Q: An online translation program describes you as: "Can coffee for driver. It blended the coffee bean of the fragrance high Guatemala product in subject, the bitterness which is clear by the fact that the coffee cream is used it finished in the deep body."

A: That pretty much sums me up.

Q: What are you made of? Your can.

A: I'm 100% steel. And I'm recyclable.

Q: Where were you produced?

A: Nagoya.

Q: How much do you cost?

A: Usually 120 yen, but only 110 yen at the vending machine next to the soba restaurant in Chitose Funabashi.

Q: Your fifth ingredient, right after cream, is grape sugar. Why is that?

A: My guess is that the brewmaster wanted to offset my overriding bitterness with a touch of conciliatory sweetness at the finish.

Q: Tell your precious "brewmaster" he can kiss my ass.

A: Pardon me?

Q: Jokes, jokes. Hey, would it make you feel uncomfortable if I held you? Because, man, I've been on a bit of a losing streak and it would sure feel nice to hold someone right now.

A: To be honest, I'd rather you didn't. I hope you understand.


Q: Oh. Yeah, geez, no problem. No frickin' problem there, cannie.

A: ...

Q: Do you ever feel tired? Just tired of the whole crazy thing, like you want to crack someone over the head really, really hard and just run away?

A: I can't say tha...

Q: Same here. It's like there's all this rage? And I don't know what to do with it?

A: Uh...

Q: I've decided I'm going to hold you.

A: Really, I'd prefer it if you didn't.

Q: Yeah, I'm gonna hold you.

A: Please, no!

Q: Well then you shouldn't go strutting around with "Enjoy the taste!" written in huge, red letters on your label. It makes people grabby.

A: OK. OK. You're absolutely right. I'm wrong. Can you just please leave me alone?

Q: Are you crying? You're crying.

A: Yes, I'm crying. You're scaring me, alright?

Q: Shoot. I always do this. Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you all in a dither. It's me, not you. I'm the problem. Ever since my teeth fell out, I tend to lash out. It's a confidence thing.

A: (sniff) I'm sorry.

Q: God, no. I'm sorry. Look at you, you're shivering.

A: I am not. I'm just a little cold, that's all.

Q: Well I think someone needs a big hug. C'mere, you.

Discuss with other coffee lovers. (0)

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