Aye, it is most deplorable that U.S. vending machines are entirely devoid of canned coffee. And what's more, vending machines don't even conveniently line most streets within 100 paces of one another! Where is the convenience in buying a $20 6-pack of Starbucks canned money shot at the grocer on a weekly basis? And for 1.99 a pop, you can have a nice cold milk beverage, because about all the coffee it contains is the word printed on the can.
Recently, Monster (of energy drink ubiquity) has released three new canned coffee drinks! I say this excitedly because I was very pleasantly surprised when I gave them a sip. They are far superior to the Starbucks variety, and at the same price you get a hulking 24oz can instead! Yet, there are still just a little too sweet, a little too pussified. Though there are three flavors, the variety is seemingly only in the intense cream and sugar flavoring. Even the one that is labeled as being a nice Black coffee is pathetically lacking. Nay, the U.S. needs U.C.C. Drink it Black, a can that calls to question one's manhood as you see it on the shelf, or Boss Double Black, one that may call into question one's womanhood (if you catch the sick reference).
I too would gladly petition for these sacred machines. If I were a wealthy, industrious fellow with significant friends, I might even dare investing in mass marketing these cans coupled with the convenience of plentiful vending machines. Maybe we should send our pleas to Pepsi and Coca Cola as, if I'm not mistaken, they own Boss and Georgia respectively.

-Dreaming of a future with greater canned coffee accesibility,
Barto

Hhm... I admire your passion and dedication to the cause of canned coffee, Ryan. While we locals in Hawaii (or at least Honolulu) have long been able to enjoy cold, creamy canned Pokka-coffee from the vending machines on Kapiolani campus, I was most shocked when I visited the mainland and could not find a single mechanical dispenser of anything more energetic than a Mt. Dew! Shame on you, continental un-caffeinated America. SHAME.

Fellow Adventure-ers,

It was great to hear from both of you, Barto and Elise.

Barto - I was surprised to hear of Monster's release - I've researched briefly, but have not been able to discover if these three Monster Coffee Drinks are simply coffee, or if they have other flavors (energy-drink flavors) in them...??? If I was not in Japan I would run to the closest 7-11 to devour them myself, but I am white so unfortunately can't jump the Pacific -(. Also Barto, who says you have to be rich to go for your dreams? I'm no wealthier than the ol' Joe next to me, but I'm actively trying to get these machines into America! Tu dream es mi dream. Email me amigo! (btw - I caught your sick reference - very clever - my laughter from your comment made mine curl)

Elise - I fervently would like to speak with you in more depth regarding canned coffee in Hawaii! This is one market which we are particularly wishing to collaborate with! Please email me - we can wipe the America's shame away together.

Ryan Meinzer
meinzer@imp-inc.co.jp